Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
