wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
