It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
