i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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