Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
