I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
