I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
