That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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