he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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