i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
