dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
