He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
