I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
