i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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