Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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