Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
