I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
