i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My feet surprised me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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