hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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