Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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