Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
