there's paper in my vomit.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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