She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
