Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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