what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I want to be your penis for a week.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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