I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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