It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
