The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
