He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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