Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
