You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
