woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
