Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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