What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
