i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
