im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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