Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
