That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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