Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
