On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
