I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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