its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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