yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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