she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
