Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
