Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
