Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
