What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
