Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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