And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
