haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
