not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
