Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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