she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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